He’s Not Into You, and You Know It

Look at your text message inbox. Scroll down to the last conversation you had with “him”. Not your boyfriend, and not the guy you’re dating. The one to refer to with the pronouns “he” and “him” when discussing him publicly with your friend, because Heaven forbid anyone finds out about this guy you’re wast- I’m sorry, spending your time on. Open THAT message thread. How did it end? With an argument? With the word “bet.”? With a read receipt?  And what did you do? Delete his name from your phone? Play tough and not text back? Okay. That’s great. Now, ask yourself: how many times did you revisit that thread today to make sure you hadn’t missed a text from him? How long have you been waiting on that cycle to begin? Why do you think you’ll be next?

I’m sure you think what you’re doing is fine. It’s been going on for, what, six months? A year? Two semesters? You all do this all the time. You all have a good week, where he admits he feels SOMEthing for you. You’ve slept over twice. The texting was steady. He never called you unless he was saying that he was either on his way, outside, or at the door, but he’s ALWAYS busy, right? He walked clean past you on Tuesday as if he wasn’t in you or into you on Monday, but you both decided to remain “lowkey” so you didn’t trip. You took that as him not being ready to share with everyone what you both had going on, not that he would NEVER be ready. So you stayed. And waited. And entertained his texts. And waited. You didn’t comment when he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship; you just waited. You didn’t say you were tired of just coming over; you just kept coming over. And in-between all of this, he never changed. He never accommodated your worth, so you accommodated his behavior.

He will never say that you aren’t the one, and he will never say that he’s not into you. But he has shown you this every day. You, however, will wait until whatever it is inside of you that makes you different comes out and reveals itself for him, not realizing that if he doesn’t see that you’re different by now, it’s either because he doesn’t want to, or you haven’t done anything that makes him behave as if you are. 

He is not that into you, babygirl. He knows it. And you have known it for a very long time. But, knowing something and acting like you know something are two different things, and you’re only brave enough to master one.

Admitting that someone wasn’t feeling you the way you wanted them to is a hard pill to swallow; but it’s medicine. Do not fool yourself into thinking someone is into you when all actions show otherwise. Nine times out of ten, if you have to ask yourself if he truly cares about you or likes you, he doesn’t. But he is in love with the control he has over you while you stretch yourself to prove to him why he should like you. If he asks you to come over, you’re there with no questions asked. He wants you to stop complaining so much, you go silent. He asks you to ignore the constant texts from your friends with evidence of his involvement with others, and suddenly, you can’t read.  You will jump out of your body for this man until he finally sees how much you’re worth it, and he knows it. That’s why he hasn’t stopped, because he knows you won’t stop. And you won’t act like you know better.

I’ve said it before, and I will keep saying it until I have no need to write these posts anymore: the time you’re spending trying to prove yourself to someone who has already decided not to give you the effort, is time you can spend bettering yourself for when the one MADE to treat you right. You are curving guys all because you are afraid that if you finally do something crazy like, I don’t know, be happy with someone else, he will finally want you for real this time. But anyone worth having you doesn’t need all the time in the world to take you. So ask yourself: are you waiting because you really want to prove to him that he deserves you, or to prove to yourself that someone will think of you worthy of having? Check how much stock you have in your worth, and then see how you feel about that read receipt in your text thread.

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