Good Guys Aren’t Losing; You Just Aren’t Letting Them Win

I’ve been asking around for suggestions as to topics that would men would either like to see addressed, or that they feel would be of interest to women. I was then directed to a Twitter thread that I think explains a section of male perspective.

Read, Analyze, and be Open-Minded about the thread below.

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Now, ladies. You’ve read it. You’ve rolled your eyes a few times about it. “Nu-uh. Not me. I’ve been asking for consistency for too long! I’M the one taken for granted, not HIM.” Go ahead and get your defense mechanism going, but turn it off by the time you get to the end of this sentence. In the same way that women have a list of things they wish men would stop doing, men are allowed to have their requests as well. And he isn’t wrong. It’s not that you don’t want consistency; you just aren’t fond of consistency that isn’t dressed like a thug or that doesn’t come with a struggle, because that’s what we’re used to. Men love a chase; women love a fix. A lot of expect to have a HGTV, Build-Him-From-The-Ground-Up kind of man, and get confused and bored when he comes to us already well put together. 

I’ve personally come to the conclusion that this is because of tradition and patterns. You’ve been so used to the extra (or in this case, excitement) of having to convince, convert and change a man that it’s become some sort of game. Your prize is when the guy FINALLY settles down and chooses you, commits to you, or simply communicates with you. If he doesn’t do that, you don’t take an L; you simply choose to keep playing, and he keeps on playing with you, because he knows you THINK you’re going to win and chances are that you won’t.

But let’s say you actually meet this guy you’ve been asking for; the one with consistency. First, you’re going to think that he’s not real because the only real you know is really bad. You can’t understand why he’s being so…nice. So considerate. Asking about your day, and REALLY wanting to know the answer. Offering to take you on a date with no Netflix. You haven’t given this man sex, your money, or a ride to work, yet he’s being consistently nice to you after giving him your number. You really don’t know how to act, so you don’t act at all. You don’t try to make your mindset or actions any better in order to truly receive better. So here this guy is, TRYING to be better, and yet you act as if you wish he was worse. Can you blame men for asking why they should even BOTHER doing the things we tweet about when we have equipped ourselves to work with less? 

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Now take a look at the above thread, but pay even closer attention to his last two tweets. Women LOVE IT when they can win a man over. It’s like they love to say that they made him who he is, especially when he seems to forget that fact. And like he said, nothing is wrong with saying that you made someone better. But if your self-esteem comes from what you were able to make someone do, rather than what they are willing to do for you, there is a problem. You are curving the guy who is sending you good morning messages because you didn’t have to convince him to, nor did you have to send him a paragraph telling him he should. Perhaps the issue is that you don’t know your own worth, so you put your focus into proving it to someone else, with the hope that you simultaneously prove it to yourself. And because you don’t know your worth, someone else seeing it and acting accordingly shocks you. But. That’s for another post.

What really and truly hit me about this thread is the very last tweet in the above picture. I have text threads full of antics. Some area code texting me with a statement that I didn’t feel I deserved. Did I leave it on read? No. I just went down the list of why I should have better, of everything I had done for the person, of me trying to convince them to stop playing with me. Looking back, I shouldn’t have been the one convincing HIM of something; rather, HE should be convincing me. He sat back and did nothing while I did everything to get him to move, because I liked him and our potential. And after all that, he took his potential to another girl’s DMs and all I had to show for it was 90 days of doing anything. 

Good guys are choosing not to show that they’re really good guys because we aren’t giving them much reason to.And you tweeting, debating and proclaiming about what you want is NOT a good reason. You have to stand on what it is you’re talking about before anyone believes you. So stop giving your 100% to someone giving you 27%, and try giving it to someone who’s giving you 100% without questioning why they’re doing it. That’s what you wanted to begin with, right?

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