It’s been a minute since I’ve written a “let’s be real” post, and I’ve been holding my tongue on this one for a long time now. Part of it was because I didn’t know how to say it, but the other part was the fact that I didn’t know exactly WHEN to say it. Now that the school year is over and we can sit and reflect, I think it’s the perfect time for me to give you something to think about. Thus, proceed through the rest of this post with an open and honest mind and heart. You will thank me later.
Haven’t we discussed how insanity is doing the same thing over and over again? How in order to expect a change in result, you have to initiate a change of action? I feel like I’ve tried to highlight this in my posts, even though I feel that it should be common knowledge. Why, then, are you still in the sheets of a man who isn’t yours and probably didn’t change them from the last girl he was with? How are you still texting the number that you deleted two days a go and responding “on my way”? Why are you still crying when he still doesn’t know the answer to what you all are, just like he didn’t know the answer two months ago? He is not into you, but he is always in you. You know this. I know this. He knows this. Why don’t you act like you know better?
There’s an old song that says “Everybody plays the fool… No exception to the rule.” And this is very much true. I’ve played the fool before; I’m not excluded from foolish behavior in any way. But the thing about A LOT of you, is that you play the fool as if you’re in a Tony-Award Winning role for it. The curtain never closes for it, and you never retire. You just keep on coming back for an encore.
Now, before you screenshot the portions of this that you like and send it to your friends, finish the entire thing first. Ask yourself: “Why am I being foolish? To be loved? To be accepted? To be picked? To prove it to him?” Have you ever thought about the fact that “he” is not making himself look foolish for you? He doesn’t trip when you don’t text him back; he texts another girl. He doesn’t have to worry about not being picked if he’s the one with all the options. Love was never what he was looking for in the first place, and he’s SHOWN you that. Why would he trip? And furthermore, he never really wanted to be anything; that’s why the question “What are we?” doesn’t phase him. You are out here playing yourself to be adored by someone who is playing you. There are no awards for that.
Can we go a little further? You are the one playing the fool, and one of two things will happen: he STILL won’t be with you or you won’t even want to be with him. I recall talking to a male friend of mine who, like male fashion, had two girls literally waiting each other out to be the last one standing for his heart. After he described the insanity of the situation, I asked him “Would you even want a girl like that? Who would wait for you and try to beat out another girl?” And before I could get my question out, he immediately said “No.”
So now, not only are you playing the fool, but you don’t even get rewarded for your performance. You will play puppet on a string without a title or commitment for 8 months, and then blink your eyes and see “your man” on the arm of another girl- another girl who wasn’t even the girl you were worried about. You thought conforming to what you THINK he wanted you to do was going to get him? No. It just gave him more reason to get somebody else.
“But, that doesn’t make sense. I did everything. Why doesn’t he want me?” Now, I’m not a genius or anything, but in short, you folded. He asked you to jump and you decided to fill yourself with helium. If he didn’t want to go out, you were settling for the bed. If he didn’t claim you, you didn’t claim publicly, but told your groupchat and subtweets about him. You played it cool, thinking that that’s the way to get him. Meanwhile, the other girl wasn’t having it! Didn’t budge a bit. Made him work for the privilege of seeing her home, let alone her bedroom. Nothing he said about what he wanted phased her because she put her needs first, and he met her where she was, not the other way around. He let her push the foreign because not only was she worth it, but she knew she was worth it with or without him. And it only took her two months. Meanwhile, you hung around for 8 of them and what do you have? Less gas, unopened texts and dirty sheets. Again. For the umpteenth time. You’ve played the role so well, you have become this person: a fool.
One day, you will tire of dress rehearsal. You will grow tired of breaking your back for him and all he does is bend you over. You will realize that you can’t keep doing the same thing that hasn’t worked because you don’t know how to be alone. You will know how to wait for your season. And one day, you will play the role of a woman who knows her worth. But until you get absolutely sick of yourself, you will continue with sickening behavior. And I will continue to call you out on it, until you close the curtains. For good.