No Security With Insecurites: Are You Ready For What You Deserve? Part 2

Holding your man hostage will not revert him into loyalty. 

Having rules and regulations on what he can and can’t do will not regulate him. 
A relationship with terms and conditions is not a relationship; that’s a contract for failure. And too many of you have signed far too many dotted lines.

Our generation has this thing where we don’t trust anyone unless they do A,B,C. “You can’t text anyone but me after 10. I need to meet all of your friends. Don’t you dare take an extra 5 minutes texting me back, who else are you talking to?” We are extremely conditional. If this doesn’t happen, then that won’t happen. If you aren’t doing this, then you must not love me. Do we not yet know that love is unconditional? So why are we trying to trap people in a box of rules in order for them to show that they love us?

Here’s my honest opinion: if you’re in a relationship with some of these rules and terms, it’s either because of them or you. And 8 times out of 10, it is you. 

Hear me out for the rest of this post. If you are with someone who has proven why they can’t be trusted, why are you with someone who has proven that they can’t be trusted? You two can’t even focus on your relationship because you’re too busy worrying about what they’re doing when they aren’t with you. This is why I do not approve of being with someone after they have cheated. The stress of rebuilding that trust is often too much to bare, and rarely gets done. You can’t focus on this time because the wounds from last time still cut deep. And if you still have these wounds, why be with the person at all? 

But, in many cases, the other person has done nothing wrong. They haven’t given you a reason not to trust them. They haven’t cheated on you. They don’t engage in questionable behavior. But because you do not fully love yourself, you feel the need to eliminate any doubt that your significant other doesn’t by placing him in a box of rules. He can’t spend more than five minutes texting back because you’re worried he’s texting another girl. You need to meet all of his friends to ensure that none of them would ever try to take him away. He has to be under you all the time, because that’s what he’ll do without complaint if he loves you, right? But my question to you is, if you are confident enough in yourself, and love yourself to the extreme, why don’t you believe that someone will love you the way you need it without you holding them by their throat? 

If you need security to soothe your insecurities, you do not need a relationship. You need some time to find the things you love about yourself, and to trust that someone who DESERVES to love you will do the same. The things we will do to force someone into loving us when we can’t love ourselves is endless. Love is a decision, but it is not a forced decision. You will not find the openness and trust that a relationship needs if you try to force it onto someone. You have to love yourself first, before you can allow someone else to love you. Otherwise you will still feel empty when they are there, and emptier when they go. Love should always be in you; it should not transfer based on if someone is in your company or not. 

I hope you read this post and reflect on yourself. If you find some of your actions in this post, I want you to step back and evaluate why that is. Admittance is the first step to recovery. Know that the person who is destined to love you will love you without being begged or forced into a corner. And know that if anyone needs to love you, the most important person is you. 

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