Is U With Me or What?: How to Leave a Draining Friendship

We talk about romantic relationships often. Love is on everyone’s mind these days, so much so that we’re often so busy trying to figure out situationships and whatever it is we have going on with a significant other. While this is all healthy and needed, it’s also the cause of neglected discussion of one of the most important kinds of relationships: that which can be found between friends. 

Friendships are essential, because friends are the family you choose. They are the ones who see you for who you really are and still take on the challenge. Sometimes you need five. Other times, you just need one. But we all need someone that we know for a fact will help us pick up the pieces when our world falls down. The best friendships are organic, long lasting, secret keeping and full of memories. When we find them, we hold on tight because we know everyone doesn’t get to have the experience. 

But sometimes, just like in romantic relationships, there comes a point when you realize that you are the only one investing. We sometimes will give all of our loyalty, effort and commitment to a friend only to realize that they do not have anything to give us in return. Friendships can drain you. And sometimes, you become so empty trying to hold the friendship together that you wonder if the other person even sees you trying. Toxic friendships aren’t solely defined by what someone does to you; it can also be toxic based on what they DON’T do for you. 

Nothing good comes from anything that is forced. You can’t make anyone be good to you; people have to be willing and able to fulfill the action. If you are finding yourself holding a friendship together by the ends and still not getting all that you need in return, there is no shame in walking away. You deserve so much better and you will not find it if you only focus on saving a dead situation. Never drain yourself for something that won’t keep you full, especially when you know you are the only one trying. 

I have been blessed with friends who know the power of reciprocation. These friends have been there for me in my hardest of times, as I have been for them. But I have had friendships that I needed to cut off for the sake of my sanity, because I knew that the process of repair would not equate to any reward. It’s hard, and it may feel like you are giving up. But know that if fighting for something is only giving you scars, it is not worth the battle. You can do bad all by yourself, but you can also do better. And if better can be done, then feel no fear in leaving. 

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