Who He Wanted vs. Who He Settled For: Be Earned, Not Picked

I’ve never liked being someone’s second choice. I operate under the assumption that it’s either me, myself or I. I am worth effort, work and time. I am to be earned. Not chosen second. Not given an “I guess”. Earned. Plain and simple. 

But, I feel that there are many of you who aren’t acting on this. You are trying hard to be picked, but not earned. This makes you a comma, and not a period. You know for a fact that if your MCM got a call from the girl he REALLY wishes was his WCW, he would leave you instantly. That’s why he hasn’t posted you, because he’s still leaving that spot open for her. 

You will say that you’re content with where the both of you all are in life. That life is about growing together, and that the situation you are in now with whatever his name is doesn’t bother you. What you won’t say, however, is that you have the smallest fear that when he finally grows into what you want him to be, he will leave you for the person that he actually wanted to be with. 

You know that this guy that you are with is not all that he needs to be for you. But you have yet to realize that you aren’t allowing yourself to be everything that you can be for yourself. And because you’ve settled on yourself, you’ve allowed someone to settle on you. 

You dealing with what another woman wouldn’t does not make you special. You accepting the behavior another woman refused to take does not mean you are a rider. You deciding that what she felt wasn’t good enough is excellent for you does not make him love you more; it only means that your arms come with less terms and conditions than the ones he TRULY wants to be in. And in his loneliness, he ran into yours. 

You wanted to be picked, while another girl demanded to be earned. And I can’t fault you too much for it because I was once the same way. I felt that if I toned down a bit and made myself easier to obtain, I would find happiness quicker. And happiness came, but joy never lingered. I tried to turn myself into average, and average is what I received. And when the average boys that I was dealing with finally decided that they wanted to be men, it wasn’t me that they decided to continue to be with. They went for the girl who never lowered herself so someone could settle for her. 

If you want to be picked, a boy will pick you. If you want to be earned, a man will work to earn you. There is, and always will be, a difference. If he settled for you, that means you are a placeholder until he has what it takes to get what he really wants. That’s a role you don’t want to play more than once. Don’t be settled for; be earned. And know that you are worth the extra effort. 

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