Reasons vs. Results: What Are You Focused On? 

Does it matter why he isn’t with you, more than the fact that he isn’t with you?

Do we care why your friend is acting as if you aren’t a friend to them, more than we care that they’re doing you bogus?

Does the reason why you’re blowing up a phone that belongs to someone who doesn’t want you outweigh the fact that you’re doing it?

Let’s take a hard look at the facts. And trust me. The answer is no. 

I was once one of those people who constantly justified irrational behavior because of “reasons”. I felt that the reasoning and the cause of the issues that I was dealing with wasn’t severe enough for me to change. “He isn’t with me because he isn’t ready. He’s still entertaining her because he just isn’t ready for a woman like me. My friends are tripping because we haven’t talked in a while and maybe it’s been too long.” The list would go on and on and one as to why I forced myself to stay in the most uncomfortable of spaces. 

It wasn’t until I looked around at my life and circumstances that I realized that no matter how many reasons I gave for the results that I was getting, it did not change the results. I was constantly excusing why I was dealing with mess, but it did not change the amount of mess I had. It only increased the amount of excuses. 

Now, I’m not saying that it’s wrong to seek understanding. Once you understand a situation, you can find peace, closure and all the other things that we search for. But the problem comes in when we think that we can wait for the reason to change, and therefore change the result. If he isn’t with you because he isn’t ready, you can’t wait for him to be ready. If he is still entertaining her and that is the reason that the two of you aren’t together, why are you waiting for him to stop entertaining her? You are hitting snooze on an alarm, with the hope that it stops ringing. And trust me, from my experience, it never stops ringing. 

You have to focus more on the result, and less on the reason. The result is what can break or hurt you. That is what you are forced to deal with. That is what matters the most. If we apply this to the concept of closure, this means that even though we seek understanding, we accept and move on from the result. You will still hurt and cry at night if you do not actively decide to accept and move on from the result when necessary. 

In many of our relationships, we should focus more on “What?” while chasing after the “Why?”. If we focus too much on why things are happening, we will never accept things for what they truly are. You will end up running in circles and stuck in the same position if you don’t deal with what you are left with at the end of the day. And that is why results will matter more. 

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