Eating Cake and Baking Even More: Friendships and Relationships

Oh. I have words on this one. 

You’ve met a guy who you think is just IT. He’s cute. He’s smart. He makes you laugh. He doesn’t always ask you “Wyd?” when you’re texting. And both of you know for a fact that you like each other. It’s evident. 

But you are only his friend. He’s “never met a girl like you.”  He “doesn’t wanna ruin anything” by taking it a step further. He “isn’t trying to have a relationship right now”. You’ve heard it all. I’ve heard it all. We could probably write a book together about how the men we wanted to be us had a million reasons why they wanted us to be our friends, but still commit to them. It’s common. It’s sucks. And it doesn’t make much sense. 

There are many reasons why this occurs. Perhaps he genuinely is afraid of losing the friendship and bond that the two of you have in the pursuit of a relationship. It could be that he isn’t ready for a relationship. It’s also possible that he truly feels as if he doesn’t deserve you and therefore is just to afraid to try. 

It could be all of these things. But no matter what the reason is, the result is that he does not want to do what it takes to truly be in a relationship with you. And that is the reason why he straddles the fence between being your friend and being your man.  

Let me just point out that this is not your fault at all. You could cook every meal, answer every text and come through in the clutch every single time. But if he doesn’t want to take that step, he will not. I used to try so hard to prove to guys who thought that I was really great, but not great enough why I was worthy of a chance, and why we should be together. It took years of failure and lack of results to realize that the man who is for me will not force me to prove anything to him. In fact, it will probably be the other way around. 

So what should you do in cases like this? You have to set and hold firm boundaries. If you two are going to be friends, then be friends and enjoy the friendship. Friends don’t get mad when they see each other with someone else. Friends don’t have sex with each other. Friends don’t hold feelings back in the hope that one day, the other will see them. This needs to be clear and understood by both parties involved. 

And if you do decide to take that leap? Do it expecting the best, but not fearing the worst. If you do anything in fear, it is bound to fail. Be ready to work, and to grow. And in the case that things don’t work, at least you can’t say that you didn’t try. 

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