Do You Want A Cookie?: The “Pick Me” Mindset

How badly do you want a man?

Do you want one so much that you’ll focus on yourself for him? Better yourself for yourself so that when he finally comes your way, he’s getting a complete package of a person? Are you willing to do the work and become the person that you want to be, and trust that the man for you will love appreciate that?

Or do you want a man so bad that you’re willing to become everything he tweets about in order to get him? 

Because it seems like if the new trend is to “stay in the house”, you have to make it known that you aren’t going to the party this weekend and that there are still “girls like you” around. If everyone is debating on whether or not a woman should fix a man’s plate, you let it be known that you’re a “Cater 2 You” kind of chick. Every thing that you do, that you think men want to hear that you do, you make sure to add it to your resume even if no one is calling you back. Why, sis?

I’m not sure when we got to a place where we felt like if a man wanted it, we had to be it to be chosen. Why do we feel as if we have to market ourselves as everything we THINK a man wants in order to get attention? An even better question: why do we think that was ever in the plan? You are you. The goal is to be the best you that you can possibly be, and the man who is meant for you will find you. The goal is not to find the man that you are interested in, and then be what you THINK he wants (because, just like boys change, their wants do as well. What he tweeted about Thursday morning may not be what he lays with Saturday evening. And there’s a chance that neither of them will be you.)

Let’s reverse the roles momentarily: your MCM says he wants a girl that stays in the house. Does he stay in the house? He wants a girl that cleans, but when you come over his socks are still laying in the floor. He wants someone that’s ambitious, smart and keeps her head in the books, but he can’t tell you his test grades or his future opportunities. You want to be everything that he wants, but sometimes everything that he wants is everything that he is not. Why do you have to boss up, but he doesn’t? 

Furthermore, you’ve been talking about what you want in a man for a pretty long time now. Did anyone ever go out of their way to let you know that they had it all for you? No? They stayed who they were and you still were attracted, right? Why don’t you follow that same principle? Why do you feel you have prove yourself, all the time? 

This “Pick Me” mentality will not work because you were not made to be picked. You were made to be earned. So why do you need to output yourself and your qualities in order for someone to notice you? Some of the best things in life are the things that someone takes the time to find. The person for you is going to appreciate you for who you are, and love you for who you are not. Try to be who you want to be, and not what someone else desires. There is a difference in approach, and a difference in results. So if being a Pick Me hasn’t gotten you picked yet, maybe it’s time for you to change your method and simply do better.

 

 

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