A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. She had reported that the boy that she cared about the most, her shining star, her future baby daddy, had decided to pass her up for another girl. A girl who we both knew was nowhere near my friend, who hadn’t reached the level of growth and maturity that my friend had, and to be quite honest, would probably never reach that level in an adequate amount of time.
To sum it all up, as my friend said: “She ain’t me.”
Granted, many women feel the need to say this after the man of their dreams becomes publicly comfortable with another woman. But, I happen to believe in this statement. It is possible for a man to choose a woman who has yet to reach where you are in personal growth, rather than just choosing you in the first place. It happens every single day. I’ve been through it multiple times, and here I was listening to my friend in the depths of her situation. Annoyed, frustrated, and above all else, angry.
And then, after explaining what all had transpired within their relationship, she looked at me and said, “He picked a 98 Honda over a brand new Rolls-Royce that was ready for him. All he had to do was sign his name on the dotted line, and he still chose the Honda. Why would he do that?”
That sentence. That one analogy. That simple comparison developed into a metaphor that went on for about an hour, but that ended with my friend leaving with a higher level of awareness than she stepped into the conversation with. I’ve summarized it into bullet points with necessary descriptions, and if you’ve ever been in a Rolls-Royce vs Honda situation, this may help you out to. (Spoiler Alert: it has nothing to do with you.)
- The Rolls-Royce is one of the most expensive cars on the market. There is probably a Honda ready to be sold in the parking lot of your local Wal-Mart.
That opening line in “Faithful” by Drake is a major key. When told that she is expensive, Amber Rose politely replies that she is not expensive; she is high maintenance. Honestly, she may not even truly be high maintenance, but it definitely takes more effort to keep a Rolls-Royce than it does a Honda. You require loyalty. Honesty. Consistency. Commitment. So many other adjectives that you need and deserve because of how much you are worth. If you get a Honda from 1998, it really may just need to be bought. Give it a little attention, some time riding with it alone, maybe get the gum out of the seat, and BAM. It is all yours. And when someone who doesn’t know how to spend money or time wisely has to make a purchase decision, they will always go with the cheaper buy no matter how much money is in their pocket.
2. Some people would rather “fix-up” a Honda over time than go all or nothing with a Rolls-Royce.
Rolls-Royces require commitment. There is no payment plan. No car note. No “rent-to-own”. When you come into contact with a luxury vehicle, you do not try to pay for it over time; you purchase it because you know that no one else will have it. Not even your homeboys. But in the eyes of someone who doesn’t have what it takes to keep up a Rolls-Royce beyond the initial payment, they would rather buy a car for a lower price with the hope that they would be able to buy the missing parts as they go along. But the gag is, the amount of money, effort, time and energy that you will put into fixing something (or someONE) who is incomplete is much more consuming than choosing something that is already beautifully finished. Smart buyers know that; smart men know that. Rolls-Royces come with the leather seats; a 98 Honda doesn’t even have an aux cord.
3. You’re a baaaaaaaad mutha shut cho mouth if you end up with a Rolls-Royce; everyone can’t handle the pressure.
Do you know how confident in yourself you have to be to purchase a Rolls-Royce? That’s a different kind of faith and desire for something. There are many men, but not everyone is The MAN. So yes, as my friend reiterated, you may feel like the guy of your dreams has everything in him to make you the girl of his dreams. But if HE doesn’t believe it, and if he feels insufficient for the job, then he won’t even apply. And instead, he’ll choose what he thinks is the next best thing, or what he feels he deserves. If he does not feel he has what it takes to deserve you, then he won’t do what it takes to earn you.
4. Regardless of his reasoning, of his decision, of anything, a Rolls-Royce does not go on sale. You don’t get a “deal” on a luxury. Someone’s decision not to close the deal with you does not make you less worthy; not even by a penny.
Towards the end of the conversation, my friend looked at me and said “But I was even willing to work with him.” That is the problem: you should not have to. The young lady who we were referring to as Honda probably had all of the potential to be a Rolls-Royce. But when you don’t know that you’re a Rolls-Royce, you will settle for being treated like a Honda for the sake of having someone claim you. Which leads me to the overall thesis and main take away from this post: YOU DO NOT QUESTION YOUR WORTH JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE DECIDED TO ACT AS IF HE DIDN’T SEE IT. Every millionaire can’t have a Rolls-Royce, and every man cannot have you no matter how much you wish they would. You define your worth. You set your price. And only the worthy, the qualified, and the ready will do what it takes to have you, without making you lower anything.