I love reminiscing. I really like to look back at all the things I’ve done and the people I’ve met just to keep things in perspective. I have a friend who asks me: “Jasmin, why do we take a walk down memory lane every time we sit down to talk?”. I thought this was funny because she was right. I find myself replaying memories all the time. So, for the fun of it, let’s walk down memory lane.
Sophomore year was a tough one, not gonna lie. I walked into my second year of college excited for what was to come. I was ready to cruise easily through everything that came my way. But, little did I know, God had completely different plans. My second year was filled with a lot of difficulties. Let me tell you, “Sophomore Slump” is realer than real y’all. My main issue was an extremely frustrating roommate situation that made every other difficulty a MILLION TIMES HARDER.
I know a lot of people in college deal with difficult roommate situations all the time. But this was really hard for me to deal with because this girl was my friend. We met right before the Midnight BBQ our freshman year and got super close. We went to all the parties together and I think our friendship grew more after we realized we had similar upbringings. We were really good friends or, at least I thought we were. But things quickly changed. To spare some of the details, just know she got into a relationship with this guy and did a 180. She was, in my opinion, a totally different person. Our friendship quickly dissolved into this simmering hatred. We shared a room in Responsibility and we would see each other everyday but we didn’t speak. Not one word. She would do her thing and I would do mine. And, this hurt like hell. I felt like she didn’t care at all about me or our friendship anymore. Maybe its because I’m from the South, where we are taught to speak to people when we walk into a room and they’re already in there. Or, maybe it’s because I care a lot about my friends. If we’re friends, just know I got you. I’ll be there for you when you need me, and I’ll go out of my way for you to help you if I can. I think life is too short to have weak friendships so that’s why I try to make all of mine as strong as possible.
Even my friends from home were acting funny too. I would try to text or FaceTime them and they wouldn’t respond (even though every time I’ve spent with them they’re always on their phones.) Some of these people I had been friends with since middle school and we’ve been tight ever since. Now, I didn’t want to come off as needy or seeking lots of attention but damn, I was trying to be a good friend and check up on them for time to time. I also felt lost somedays and wanted a familiar voice or face to talk to. I wanted to be active in my friends’ lives and I wanted them to be active in mine, so I texted them more and put in more effort. But, nothing really happened. It felt like the more I tried to be a good friend and reach out, the less they responded to my effort. Most days, I felt like my friends turned their backs on me, and left me for other people. It left me feeling lonely, confused, hurt, not interesting enough, etc.
I couldn’t understand why this had happened. All of this took me by surprise, and to this day, I’m still confused To my former roommate: What did I do to you for you to act like I don’t exist? What did I do for you to switch up like that?
To my friends from home: Why are you throwing away all of our years of friendship? Wtf???
Maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but that’s how I felt. I’ve tried countless times to self-reflect and think about my part in my former roommate and I’s friendship ending. I don’t want to put all the blame on her because I know disagreements are never completely one-sided. I’m sure I played a part (probably a big part) in what went down and I really wanted to apologize for whatever I had done. (again, we didn’t speak so it was near impossible to find out what my part was in all of this). But one day, deep in frustration, I took a deep breath and a calm washed over me. I let it go. I can’t understand why things happened the way they did, but they happened. I had to and still have to remind myself that college is a time where people grow and they find out who they really are, for the most part. And sometimes that means that you’ll lose old friends who you thought would always be in your life. And, It sucks. For real. But it’ll be okay.
Through this, I’ve learned to cherish the friendships and people in my life now because you never know how long they’ll last, or if they’ll enter a relationship and totally forget you exist. I’ve let go of the hurt because I can’t grow and move on in a place of hurt. Plus, I’m done with being bitter about it.
So, again, to my roommate: Girl, I really miss our friendship. We were lit together. I thought we would be friends for a lot longer than we were. I hope you become a very successful anthesiologist just like you’ve planned, and I hope you accomplish all of your dreams. Please don’t let “love” hold you back or put you in a box. I know you think he loves you, but he wouldn’t talk to you like that if he did. (And, yes, I did hear a of your conversations.) You don’t deserve to cry or question your worth over a boy. You may hate me because of last year, but I sincerely hope you find all the joy that’s meant for you.