How I Let A Man Who Didn’t Love Me, Teach Me About Love

Shoulda never let you hit it, I split it with you ” 
One thing to know about me is I’m a mom before all things. But….my route to motherhood was the road so frequently traveled. To put it simply, i let a man talk me out of my most precious gift. I was young, naive , and the word pretty from any mouth was like music. A sweet hymn for this unsaved heart. I laid down with someone who never wanted me to get up. I am at fault for it because any time that voice in the back of my head so no, i ignored it. Nothing was going to keep me away from my dumb decisions. I love my daughter with all of me but if she could have happened under better circumstance, that would be nice. 

 I was pregnant at my high school graduation but I didn’t know. I ignored the signs but in my mind I knew,denial is sweet sometimes. I went to my first few appointments alone, well my mom drove me but I never let her come in with me, because it was my cross to bear. I decided to still go to college (fat shouts to UT Chatt). I knew I’d be okay because my brother was there and my 3 closest best friends. In my mind life couldn’t stop just yet. So here came August and I packed my stuff and my 3 months big belly into my brothers red Honda and we split. I told Aubreys dad I was leaving and he said okay, he didn’t care, weeks earlier he had told me not to keep her because he didn’t want a kid (because of course I’m just jumping at the whole teen mom bit , right?) My brother took off work every time I had an appointment , he never let me be alone in this special moments. He brought me medicine when I caught a cold, he brought me groceries because I couldn’t be hungry if I wanted a healthy baby. My brother did it all for me while the man who invaded my womb treated me like a stranger. Lesson learned, strength earned. 

If life teaches you nothing else, it will teach you not to ignore signs. Read between every line, spell check it, and read it over one last time. When someone gives you even an ounce of truth, you better believe there is a whole ton they are not willing to unload just yet. Believe in your instincts, when the “I” does not precede “love you”, they just dont feel it for you. When the phone calls only happen after 11, you were an after thought, a plan B who just might need one when the night is over(just being honest).  If those good morning texts go unanswered only to be followed up with a “wyd” at noon…. Your place has been solidified and you can either accept it or reject it.

Someone who cares for you will leave you with no doubts. He will call without you having to ask, he will date you with no ulterior motive. His free time will be spent with you, not his night time. Focus on that man who calls you beautiful three times a day, who never wants to see you leave, who asks if you’re okay. Know your worth baby girl, you deserve to not be a booty call, you deserve to be the favorite number in his call log. Make him work for it, he may even have to beg. But one thing is for certain, Never let a man finesse you. Tell him how it is, your way or no way. This world spins on our axis ladies, if we stop letting them commit the crimes, we wont be stuck doing a 15 to life sentence for heart reparations. 

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