In the words of Ntozake Shange… Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff.
I almost lost me guys. No I wasn’t dying , but the me that I am today…she almost didn’t make it. She almost let a man that she trusted too much , walk away with the best parts of her. That Sway she had in her walk? He got hip to her rhythm and snatched it smoothly while they slow danced in tandem. Her smile? He saw how bright it shined and he bottled it up and stashed it away. Her energy? He drained every ounce and used it to fuel that escape he had planned all along.
I opened up. You know that type of open where you can feel the trust seeping out of your pores ? That type of open where it seems as if your soul made twosteps to the left to make room for his to be comfortable. He knew my ins and my outs , he was my up I knew no downs. It sounds good right? In my head we were “goals” , but it took until I saw him taking off with me to realize some things. Ladies, you can’t let a man move in on you so much so that there is no more room for you. You can not put him before yourself because when you do he won’t hesitate to let you.
“What can you do with something of no value on an open market”
I was confused as to why any man would use up the best parts of me and then split. Where you going ? What you doing? Who you giving it to? It’s mine , I need it , I worked hard for that confidence and you have the audacity to make me take a hit. I was upset and I was hurt and I was no longer open. I hated that. I never wanted to know the closed off, scared , cautious version of myself. But she taught me things. When a man runs off with all your stuff it’s because he needed it more than you. That love you gave him still keeps him warm at night even though you no longer touch. That motivation you gave him still keeps him going even though you no longer talk. Those things you taught him are helping his new girl open up to him , so he can get closer to her.
I got my stuff back eventually and we never even spoke. I served my purpose to someone who hasn’t found his yet and I am grateful. I am grateful that I now know how wonderful I am. All parts of me are the best parts. I am grateful to know that I am useful and not used up. I let that man take what he needed but I was left with more than enough. I found my way to a light switch in the dark and I turned on my potential..I’m glowing baby. You ran off with pieces of me and you’re still not whole, it’s showing baby.
Never underestimate yourself. Never doubt who you are because someone else couldn’t see it. Never be broken, please bend ,flexibility is fine….don’t break baby girl.